Short ficlet
Feb. 5th, 2004 10:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
psubratIn another attempt to work through my grief (am I loser or what???), I've written a short ficlet based on last night's AtS episode. It's behind the cut for those of you who haven't seen the ep yet. Let me know what you think, but please be kind as I haven't had it beta'd or anything.
Angel hung up the phone, shock and pain vying for dominant position in his mind. There was no way she was dead. She couldn’t be…he had kissed her, had held her in his arms and felt the warmth of her skin on his. It was impossible, absolutely impossible.
Absentmindedly he brought his fingers to his lips as if the touch of them would bring him out of this dream and back into reality, but it didn’t. It only reaffirmed that it had been real, he was sure of it, after all, he could still smell her scent in the room, which meant she had been there, and not in his mind.
Slowly he made his way to his chair, trying not to stumble and fall to his knees despite the fact that he could barely feel his legs. Every part of him was numb, including his brain. Arrangements had to be made now and people had to be told, but he just couldn’t bring himself to pick up the phone, couldn’t even focus his eyes on anything in front of him.
He didn’t know how long he sat there, seeing and hearing nothing. Just sitting there with his mind racing, going over everything she had said to him, every smile she had given him.
“Is everything all right?” Wesley asked from the doorway, his hands in his pockets and a look of concern on his face. They had waited for over an hour for Angel and Cordelia to join them at the pub and when neither of them had shown up, Wes had volunteered to make sure everything was okay. Sure, a part of him had wanted to leave the two alone together to let them catch up, deservedly so, but a larger part of him wanted to make sure that Angelus hadn’t made a repeat performance.
Angel looked up through teary eyes, but didn’t say a word.
Looking around for their friend, but not finding any trace of her, Wes inquired to her whereabouts. “Where’s Cordelia?”
“Gone,” Angel stated simply as he ran his hands through his hair, still trying to wrap his mind around it all.
“What do you mean gone?”
“She was never here, Wes, not really. It was her, but it wasn’t.”
“What are you talking about? Are you trying to tell me that another being took over Cordelia’s body, because I have to say that…”
“No,” Angel said, shaking his head. “No. She never came out of the coma.”
“But she was here, we all saw her…”
“I know,” he responded, looking over Wes’s shoulder wistfully as if he would see her again somewhere in the room. “She told me she couldn’t stay, that there wasn’t a place for her here. Then she kissed me and the phone rang. I didn’t want to answer it, but she insisted that I had to take the call. It was the hospital. They said she had died in the coma, that she never came out of it.” He looked back at Wesley, his eyes filling with a fresh bout of tears. “Why? If she was dead when we went to pick her up at the hospital, why did she come back with us? Why not just cross over?”
Wes walked over to the chair in front of Angel’s desk and sat down heavily. He leaned over and put his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. “I don’t know, Angel. Maybe she felt her work here wasn’t done yet. Maybe the Powers gave her one last chance to set things right before she left this plane of existence. In any case, we should feel lucky that we got to see her one last time. She used her last breath to make sure that you could go on, to continue the good fight.”
“What?” Angel asked, looking up suddenly and leaning forward in his chair. “What did you just say?”
“I said that she used her last breath…”
“She said the exact same thing to me about Doyle. First soldier down.” He shook his head and looked down at his hands. “I guess we should tell the others.”
“I’ll tell them if you want,” Wes stated, getting up from the chair.
“No. We’ll both tell them.”
Wes nodded and waited for Angel to join him.
As they walked out the door, Angel turned around and put his hand on the light switch, taking one last look around the room. “Thank you,” he whispered and turned out the lights, closing the door behind him.
Heartbreak
Angel hung up the phone, shock and pain vying for dominant position in his mind. There was no way she was dead. She couldn’t be…he had kissed her, had held her in his arms and felt the warmth of her skin on his. It was impossible, absolutely impossible.
Absentmindedly he brought his fingers to his lips as if the touch of them would bring him out of this dream and back into reality, but it didn’t. It only reaffirmed that it had been real, he was sure of it, after all, he could still smell her scent in the room, which meant she had been there, and not in his mind.
Slowly he made his way to his chair, trying not to stumble and fall to his knees despite the fact that he could barely feel his legs. Every part of him was numb, including his brain. Arrangements had to be made now and people had to be told, but he just couldn’t bring himself to pick up the phone, couldn’t even focus his eyes on anything in front of him.
He didn’t know how long he sat there, seeing and hearing nothing. Just sitting there with his mind racing, going over everything she had said to him, every smile she had given him.
“Is everything all right?” Wesley asked from the doorway, his hands in his pockets and a look of concern on his face. They had waited for over an hour for Angel and Cordelia to join them at the pub and when neither of them had shown up, Wes had volunteered to make sure everything was okay. Sure, a part of him had wanted to leave the two alone together to let them catch up, deservedly so, but a larger part of him wanted to make sure that Angelus hadn’t made a repeat performance.
Angel looked up through teary eyes, but didn’t say a word.
Looking around for their friend, but not finding any trace of her, Wes inquired to her whereabouts. “Where’s Cordelia?”
“Gone,” Angel stated simply as he ran his hands through his hair, still trying to wrap his mind around it all.
“What do you mean gone?”
“She was never here, Wes, not really. It was her, but it wasn’t.”
“What are you talking about? Are you trying to tell me that another being took over Cordelia’s body, because I have to say that…”
“No,” Angel said, shaking his head. “No. She never came out of the coma.”
“But she was here, we all saw her…”
“I know,” he responded, looking over Wes’s shoulder wistfully as if he would see her again somewhere in the room. “She told me she couldn’t stay, that there wasn’t a place for her here. Then she kissed me and the phone rang. I didn’t want to answer it, but she insisted that I had to take the call. It was the hospital. They said she had died in the coma, that she never came out of it.” He looked back at Wesley, his eyes filling with a fresh bout of tears. “Why? If she was dead when we went to pick her up at the hospital, why did she come back with us? Why not just cross over?”
Wes walked over to the chair in front of Angel’s desk and sat down heavily. He leaned over and put his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. “I don’t know, Angel. Maybe she felt her work here wasn’t done yet. Maybe the Powers gave her one last chance to set things right before she left this plane of existence. In any case, we should feel lucky that we got to see her one last time. She used her last breath to make sure that you could go on, to continue the good fight.”
“What?” Angel asked, looking up suddenly and leaning forward in his chair. “What did you just say?”
“I said that she used her last breath…”
“She said the exact same thing to me about Doyle. First soldier down.” He shook his head and looked down at his hands. “I guess we should tell the others.”
“I’ll tell them if you want,” Wes stated, getting up from the chair.
“No. We’ll both tell them.”
Wes nodded and waited for Angel to join him.
As they walked out the door, Angel turned around and put his hand on the light switch, taking one last look around the room. “Thank you,” he whispered and turned out the lights, closing the door behind him.
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Date: 2004-02-06 03:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-06 04:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-06 03:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-06 04:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-06 04:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-06 04:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-06 06:05 am (UTC)Thanks for this. It helps, and it's lovely.
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Date: 2004-02-06 06:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-06 06:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-06 06:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-06 06:34 am (UTC)Great as that would be, I don't know if I could take it. Ok, yes I could. It was just so good.
*hugs back*
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Date: 2004-02-06 11:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-06 03:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-06 05:20 pm (UTC)~Becca~
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Date: 2004-02-08 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-09 04:45 am (UTC)This is one of those ficlets that's probably going to stick in my head and I'll think I actually saw it on the show, because it fits in canon so well and gives us the bits that there isn't time for on TV. Like
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Date: 2004-02-09 04:48 am (UTC)Thank you so much for saying this and I'm so glad you liked it. I just needed to do something to let out the grief. Like you said, it's so hard to believe and it was such a great episode.