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Destiny - Chapters 3 & 4
Author: PSUbrat
Rating: PG-13 Some language and violence
Disclaimer and spoiler warning: These characters belong to Joss Whedon and whomever else he sells them to, I'm just borrowing them for a while. This story is part three of a trilogy and is based upon the alternate universe I created in Reset. Some dialogue was borrowed from "Seeing Red" written by Steven DeKnight the bastard. Oops! Did I say that out loud?
Update List: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Destined_Fic
Summary: William struggles with his new life while Giles is summoned back to England...
Timeframe: Immediately following "Blows"
William sighed heavily as he searched his pockets for his keys. Finally finding them, he unlocked the door and stepped into his darkened living room. The moonlight filled a corner of the room where he kept several reminders of what he once was, a monster. A thing. Slowly he closed the door. Another night at home alone. Another night alone with his thoughts and fears. He leaned his back against the door and flipped on the light. The room looked even lonelier now that everything was illuminated. He closed his eyes and listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. It was still something he wasn’t quite used to hearing, or feeling.
Straightening up, he walked over to his recliner and sat down. The fight with the vampires had been physically exhausting, but the fight with Buffy had been emotionally draining. He knew that he would have to break through several barriers with her because of their past, but he was hoping that there would be more give and take on her part. At first she had seemed almost happy to see him, relieved mostly. But now, now she was distant and he wasn’t sure why. Was it because of their violent past together, or was it because he was seeing Cecily? The thought that maybe Buffy loved him never crossed his mind. He was sure that anything that was between them, or could have been between them, died that night in the bathroom. That was the night that Spike died as well.
Everyone wanted to call him Spike, but as far as he was concerned Spike was dead and buried. That name embodied everything he was as a monster, and he was no longer a monster. He was a man, and as a man he wanted to be called by the name his mother had given him. Like he had told the Bit, it would just take some time for everyone to get used to William. "Bloody hell," he said to the room. "Who are you trying to kid? You’ll always be Spike to these people." It was nights like these that made him yearn to be a vampire again.
Steven stood in the shadows outside of the Summers’ home. He had been about to knock on the door to see Dawn when Buffy came home. It was early, even for her, and she looked extremely upset. What a pity. He hoped she was hurting. He felt nothing but loathing for the young woman. It was soon time to make his move. Ever since he had heard Fred and Gunn talking about her, he knew that he had to punish her. He had to strike at the very heart of his demon father’s family. His plan was to start turning Dawn against her. He knew that Dawn was very important to her sister, but he also knew from talking to the girl that things hadn’t always been so great between the two. Then, after hurting her through Dawn, he would go in for the kill, literally. And he would savor every moment of her pain.
The smile on his face faded as he began to think about how this outcome would affect Dawn. At first he was sure she’d be glad to be rid of her sister, but then reality would settle in and the girl would mourn. Would she hate him? Or would she turn to him in her time of need? He really cared for Dawn. More than he had ever intended. She didn’t make him feel like such an outcast. One night while they had been out together, they had been talking about his life in Los Angeles. They had been holding hands and walking when all of a sudden the air began to shimmer and hum. At first he had been concerned that something evil was about to take place, but he had noticed that Dawn wasn’t troubled at all. It struck him as odd, until she told him what was happening. She had inadvertently opened a portal.
The two had stood in awe as the portal opened on the Hyperion Hotel. He heard Fred talking excitedly to someone on the phone. Her back was to the opening.
"Is this where you lived," Dawn had asked curiously and in a hushed tone.
"It is where my biological father lived," he had said with disdain.
"I didn’t know you were adopted."
"You could say that. Perhaps someday I will tell you all about my life, but not now." He had turned to look at Dawn at this point, to reassure her that he would eventually tell her everything. That’s when things had begun to go very wrong. They hadn’t been paying attention to the other side of the portal. He should have known that if they could see that side then those in the Hyperion Hotel could see them.
"Connor," Gunn had yelled. "Is that you?"
At the sound of his given name, Steven had whipped his head around to the voice that was calling him. He had locked eyes with Gunn who was now directly in front of the portal.
"Connor," Gunn had demanded. "Where have you been? We’ve been worried sick about you! And what the heck is this big hole?" He had been about to walk through the hole when Fred grabbed him and pulled him back.
"Gunn, no," Fred had cried. "You have no idea where this thing goes, if it goes anywhere, or if it’s safe."
Steven smirked at the couple in the hotel as they looked at him in horror. He grabbed Dawn’s hand and began to run. As soon as Dawn’s attention was focused on their flight, the portal snapped shut with a crackling pop. After they had reached a safe distance, Steven slowed the pace.
"Steven, who’s Connor, and who were those people?" Dawn had asked him.
He had shrugged his shoulders and told her he didn’t know. That neither person had looked familiar to him. She had believed him, and so for the rest of their evening, Dawn had filled him in on who she was and what she could do. That was the night that he began to feel like Dawn was his kindred spirit.
Snapping out of his thoughts, Steven contemplated knocking on the door anyway to see Dawn. It wasn’t that he wanted to see her; it was that he needed to see her. He felt connected to her now. As he started to make his way to the front door a voice from behind froze him in his tracks.
"Connor," the man stated. "I think we need to talk."
"Hi William," the female voice on the message crooned. "This is Cecily. I just wanted to call to see how your day was. Not that I didn’t spend most of the day with you or anything. Anywho, hope you’re having a nice evening, and I’ll see you tomorrow morning at the shop. Goodnight."
"End of messages," the machine stated in a digital monotone.
William leaned against the kitchen counter as he listened to Cecily’s message. It was nice to hear a friendly voice in the midst of all his negative thoughts. The soft light from the kitchen reflected off of his whiskey glass. He picked up the glass and looked at the amber colored liquid. He tilted his head and arched an eyebrow. Maybe the alcohol could tell him what to make of the thoughts that filled his head. Probably not. Just as well. Time to get out the journal and start writing.
He walked back into the living room and turned on the desk lamp. He realized his desk was overly cluttered when he had tried to find a space to set down his glass. After clearing a few of the papers, he sat down and took out his journal. It seemed like he had been doing this every night since he arrived at Giles’ place in England. He supposed it was therapeutic, but it just wasn’t the same as sharing his feelings with an actual person. At first he thought that Cecily would understand his internal sufferings, but she was caught up in her own turmoil. He was never able to get in a word edgewise during her rant sessions. She was a sweet woman, at times. But he could also understand why D’Hoffryn had chosen her to be a vengeance demon.
The little leather bound book that Giles had bought him looked worn and dog-eared. Every time something bothered him, he wrote it down. And that wasn’t including the watcher journal that he had started keeping. As he began to jot down his thoughts on paper, the phone rang. It was Giles.
"William, I’ve been called back to England. And I need to leave straight away," Giles said, sounding like he was out of breath.
"What’s it all about watcher?" William asked, as he listened to the sounds of Giles throwing things in suitcases.
"One of the paragraphs they’ve been trying to translate. Has something to do with Buffy, and quite possibly her death at the hands of 'one who had been cursed'. Perhaps it could be referring to the Master."
William drew in a sharp breath. "Perhaps? You need to do better than that watcher!" He started to feel the panic rise within him. This couldn’t be right.
"Please try to remain calm, William," Giles stated as he noticed the edge in William’s voice.
"Don’t tell me to calm down," William growled. "Not when it comes to Buffy!"
"William. Listen to me. You need to keep an eye on Buffy. The last thing she needs is for you to show your fear. Just keep this in the back of your mind. Keep your eyes and ears open. Understand?"
"Yes."
"Splendid. I’m on the next flight out which leaves in an hour. Just remember, not every prophecy that we receive is correct."
"You’re right," he said exhaling audibly. "It’s just that..."
"I know. I’ll call you as soon as I know anything. Please let everyone know that I had to leave. I don’t have time to call. Talk to you later."
William stared at the phone as he slowly hung up the receiver. As if in a trance he looked up Buffy’s home number and started punching the buttons on the phone. This couldn’t be happening.
Buffy sat on Dawn’s bed, as the teen rummaged through her closet for something suitable to wear for the first day of school. The girl had tried on seven different outfits and discarded them for seven different reasons that she could only roll her eyes at. Had she been like this at Dawn’s age? She decided that she probably had been. It hadn’t been that long ago that Willow and Xander had come over to help her pick out an outfit for her date with Owen. She smiled to herself as the memory played back in her mind. The smile faded from her face when she realized that it had been a long time ago. Had it really been almost seven years?
"Buffy," Dawn pleaded with doe eyes. "Please, please, please, let me wear your pink sweater."
Buffy rolled her eyes once again. As much as she loved that pink sweater, there was no way she was going to be able to say no to her sister. "Okay," she said feigning annoyance. "You can borrow it. Just don’t get anything on it!"
"Thank you! Thank you," the teen declared, as she bounced from her room to Buffy’s to retrieve said sweater.
Buffy followed Dawn into her room to make sure that the sweater was the only thing that she borrowed. The phone began to ring and the two girls raced for it. She won and picked it up as her sister tried to take it from her.
"Hi Buffy!"
"Willow," Buffy cried in pleasant surprise. "How are you?"
Dawn’s face fell when she realized the call wasn’t for her.
"I’m good. How have you been?"
"Okay. Things have been a bit weird lately." She watched as Dawn took the sweater and left the room. "Dawn," she called after her. "Make sure you get to bed soon!" She then turned her attention back to her best friend. "Sorry about that, Will."
"No problem. Actually, I’m the one that’s sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Spike. I wanted to, but Giles said we couldn’t. Some kind of big secret or something. How’s Xander taking Spike’s return?"
"It’s okay. I miss you too much to be mad at you right now. Xander didn’t take it too well at first, but I’m hoping that they can at least get along."
Willow snorted and Tara giggled at the thought of Xander and Spike being chummy.
"Hey! It’s the Hellmouth. It could happen! I can dream, can’t I? Which reminds me, once we get off this phone it’s beddy bye time for the Buffster. I’m worn out."
"Lots of big beasties on patrol?" Willow asked as Tara tried to listen in.
"A handful of vampires. Nothing big."
"Then what’s wrong?" She and Tara both sensed that something was bothering Buffy.
"Oh, William and I had a little conversation tonight. I had almost forgotten how much he could get under my skin."
"Will...?" Willow asked confused at first. Then she realized whom Buffy was referring to. "Oh! You mean Spike. Forgot that he’s William now. So, what did you two talk about, or should I say, not talk about?"
"What do you mean?" Buffy stuttered.
"Well, I just figured you two would be making with the smoochies by now. Well maybe not with the smoochies, but at least being all cuddley wuddley."
Buffy was stunned. What was it with everyone? Didn’t they understand that her and Spike would never work out. Were her and Spike the only two people who realized that? "Willow nothing is going on between us. William is my watcher. Period. Besides, he’s dating Cecily."
"Oh. Yeah. Dawn wrote Tara about that. Are you upset? Cause if you are, it’s okay to be. I mean he went to Africa to get a soul for you and all, so it’s understandable if you’re upset that he picked Cecily over you."
Buffy sank onto her bed. She choked back a few tears before continuing. "Nah. I’m fine."
"Buffy, it’s me here. You never were a good liar." Besides, she could hear Buffy’s voice wavering.
She sighed as she switched the phone from one ear to the other. "You’re right, Will. It’s just that I finally realized that I was in love with Spike before he became human and now..."
"You’re in love with Spike?" Willow gasped.
"Yeah," she said hesitantly, realizing that she had finally said it to someone other than Giles. "But it doesn’t matter anymore."
"Get off the bleeding phone," William demanded as he shook the receiver. He had been trying to get a hold of Buffy for over a half hour now. "Bloody women." It was almost midnight so why was the phone busy? He was sure Dawn was in bed, unless she was on the phone with that Steven bloke. He’d have to speak to that git about his phone manners and calling hours, especially on school nights. There was just something about that boy that didn’t sit right with him. Steven reminded him of someone he knew, but he just couldn’t place his finger on it.
He was still trying to get over the fact that his Niblet was dating now. It seemed like it was just yesterday that he was protecting her from the world while Buffy was gone. Buffy. He was amazed at how all of his thoughts brought him back to one person. It was almost a year now since Red had brought her back from the dead. He closed his eyes and remembered the night she had returned to him, to them. He remembered every smell and every detail, the way her hair shone as she walked down the stairs, the way her hands felt when he held them in his. When he had realized that it wasn’t the robot, he had wanted to take her in his arms and cradle her against his chest, stroking her long, blonde hair. She had looked so beautiful. At that moment in time he had thanked whatever god or gods had brought her back to him.
Then he remembered the look in her eyes when she had seen him again for the first time since...well, since he had left. He was sure that it had been the same look he had given her that night. It had been there for only a second, but he was sure he had seen it. Although, now, he was beginning to think his mind had only wished it to be there. Her words from the night he left played over and over in his mind.
I’m not saying I don’t have feelings for you. I do. But it’s not love. I could never trust you enough for it to become that...Ask me again why I could never love you.
The guilt washed through him. She had forgiven him, but he hadn’t forgiven himself. He didn’t think he ever would. The struggle within him was almost too much for him to bear. And it wasn’t just about what he had done to Buffy; it was about what he had done over the last century.
In his mind he knew that human William couldn’t be held responsible for all that the monster Spike had done, but he still had all the memories. In his heart he took responsibility for everything. And it was in his heart that he was hurting most. Enough of this. He needed to stop acting like the poofter. Finally he decided that he would just call Buffy first thing in the morning, but then a thought struck him. What if Buffy and Dawn were in trouble and that’s why the phone was busy? Maybe the prophecy was true! Maybe the cursed vampire was at Buffy’s house right now attacking them! He tried the phone one more time. Still busy. Damn it! Horrible thoughts began to rush through his mind. Without a second thought he grabbed his coat, and ran out the door into the night.
Author: PSUbrat
Rating: PG-13 Some language and violence
Disclaimer and spoiler warning: These characters belong to Joss Whedon and whomever else he sells them to, I'm just borrowing them for a while. This story is part three of a trilogy and is based upon the alternate universe I created in Reset.
Update List: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Destined_Fic
Summary: Steven receives a proposal he can't refuse while feelings and emotions run wild at the Summers' home...
Timeframe: Immediately following "The Struggle Within"
What had been a beautiful moonlit night in Sunnydale quickly became cloudy and dark, almost as if nature sensed the impending confrontations that were to come. The two figures stood in the front yard of 1630 Revello Drive. The only available light came from the living room of the Summers’ house. It filtered through the windows and washed across the front lawn towards the road, illuminating two figures. The one standing behind Steven wasn’t paying much attention to the weather or to the wind whispering in the trees. There was only one thing on his mind. He stepped into the open so that Steven could see him clearly. The teen squinted to get a better view of his stalker.
"Good evening Connor," Wesley stated dryly. Tracking down the boy hadn’t been that hard to do. Wolfram and Hart had been keeping a close watch on him ever since they had noticed him frequenting the Magic Box.
"My name is Steven," he said in a flat tone.
"It wasn’t always. I should know."
"Who are you," Steven demanded as he clenched his fists. He knew he could out run his opponent if need be, but he was curious.
"You could say I’m an old friend of your father’s," Wesley said as he took a step closer to the boy.
Steven instinctively took a step back, wanting to keep enough distance between himself and the man. He narrowed his eyes as he took in the man before him. He didn’t recognize him but there was something familiar about the voice. "I don’t know you," he finally said.
"No. Not at the present time. But you did. I changed your diapers as a baby and looked after you."
Steven said nothing. He stood breathing deeply, preparing himself for the confrontation that was sure to come.
"It’s true you know," Wesley soothed. "I’m not here to harm you. I just want to talk."
"I don’t trust you," Steven said flatly. Every muscle in his body was tense and every nerve ending was firing.
"As well you shouldn’t." Wesley paused for a moment as he studied the teenager’s posture. So much like his father. Proud and defiant. "Your father trusted me and he shouldn’t have."
Steven furrowed his brow. "You say my father trusted you. My father was a monster. Are you?"
Wesley sighed. "No. I’m not a monster as you so eloquently put it. I’m human, although I think your father would disagree with me there. All I want to do is talk to you."
"Why?"
"Because, I think you and I have much to discuss."
"What could we have to talk about?" He asked as the anger built in his voice. "My father? My true father is dead at the hands of that monster. I have nothing to talk to you about." He turned to walk away.
Wesley grabbed him by the arm.
"Let go of me," Steven demanded with an icy glare.
Wesley responded by dropping his arm to his side. He had never seen such hatred in a young person’s eyes before.
Steven began walking away, but Wesley followed. The teen picked up the pace but Wesley matched it until Steven broke into a run.
"Stop!" Wesley yelled, after several blocks of trying to keep up with the boy. He had to say something quickly, before Steven disappeared into the night. "I’m the one that sent you to hell!"
Buffy hung up the phone not long after she had admitted her love for Spike – William – again with the whatever. She knew she was in love with the vampire. But was she in love with the man? She didn’t know William that well, not that she had tried to get to know him. She had been too busy feeling sorry for herself after the century old lovers reunited right in front of her. It shouldn’t have been Cecily hugging and kissing him. It should have been her. He was hers, not that former demon’s who was so busy gloating that she hadn’t even noticed the coolness towards her. Then again, nothing had really changed in that regard.
She wandered out of her room and down the hall towards Dawn’s room. After checking on her sister, who was sound asleep, she decided to head outside to sit on the back steps. The fresh air just might help her clear her muddled brain. On her way out, she turned off the lights and locked the front door. Even though it had been a while since they had moved back into the house, she still wasn’t used to it being so quiet. At times like this, she missed her mother, Giles, Willow, everyone who had come and gone through that door over the last six and a half years. Well, maybe not everyone. She really didn’t miss Angel all that much anymore.
The night was warm and dark. She could sense a change in the seasons approaching. It was almost autumn now. The days would still be warm but the nights would start cooling off soon. Those were the nights to look forward to since they were better for patrolling. She looked up into the sky hoping to see stars but all she saw was darkness. Typical. All she had wanted to do was gaze at the stars and think. The stars were a pretty distraction and tonight she needed one. Fire bad, tree pretty. That’s what her mind felt like right now. She sat down heavily on the top step. A smile slowly played across her lips as she remembered the times that Spike had joined her there. He had been there the night she found out her mom had to go to the hospital for tests, before she...died. He always seemed to be there for her at the most critical times in her life.
She sighed deeply and closed her eyes. Her life had changed radically in the last year and the one person who had shared it all with her was now somewhere else comforting someone else. It didn’t seem fair. Yes, Giles would tell her that life wasn’t fair and that they would all have to make do with the hand that was dealt, but she wasn’t sure she believed in that anymore. Destiny. Prophecies. Some days it was just all too much. All she wanted right now was to be happy and to be loved by the one person who knew her inside and out. Spike. Suddenly, she heard him calling her name.
Steven stopped abruptly and stood completely still. Had he just heard right? Had he just heard the man say that he was the one that sent him to that hell place? His true father had always told him that the monster had been responsible for that. He slowly turned his body sideways so that he could look at the man. "You’re lying."
"No. No I’m not. It was my fault that you were taken there. I was deceived and in return I deceived your father."
"Stop lying to me," he growled as he took several strides closer to Wesley. His hands were clenched and his face was contorted in a scowl.
Wesley stood his ground. "Connor, please. Let’s just go somewhere to talk. It’s not safe out here on the streets. People are looking for you."
Finally, Steven’s shoulders slumped. He didn’t trust the man, but if it were true, if people were looking for him, he needed to get somewhere safe. "Say I do go with you. How do I know you won’t try to kill me?"
Wesley looked at the boy, the offspring of two vampires, and sneered. "I saw you with Angel that night in the club."
Steven frowned and shook his head, indicating that he wasn’t sure what Wesley was talking about.
"The night you and your father fought side by side. You have incredible strength and power. I assure you, I don’t want to go up against that." He sensed that Connor was torn between what he wanted to do and what he knew he should do.
Finally, Steven spoke. "I will go with you. But I swear, if you try to do anything to me, I will kill you."
Wesley nodded. "I have no doubt about that."
William ran through the streets trying to make his way to Revello Drive. In the weeks since he had been back in Sunnydale, he hadn’t bothered to get his car. Why? Because it had been Spike’s and he didn’t want it. Now that he was walking, okay, running as fast as he could to the other side of town, the reason for not picking up the car seemed almost foolish. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath. He still had the ability to run like a vampire but his lungs needed to catch up. "Bloody brilliant you are," he gasped. "Trying to be all above board and human. Maybe next time you should take the sodding bus!" Or maybe he should have decided to find an apartment closer to the Summers’ home instead of making sure he was on the opposite end of town from it.
The area he was in now wasn’t well lit, and without his vampire vision he was mostly running blind. As he picked up the pace again, he tripped over something on the sidewalk. It was the body of a young blonde woman. At first glance his heart sank. In the darkness, the body could have been mistaken for Buffy. It was the same height and build. Slowly he picked himself up and tried to examine the body in the dim light. He was certain that he already knew the cause of death without even looking, but he pushed himself to continue. There, on the left side of her neck, were the tell tale puncture marks; but there was something else, a symbol that he recognized. He drew in a sharp breath and cursed silently to himself; gently laying the woman’s head back down on the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he didn’t have time to report the body but figured that in Sunnyhell, a cop would come across it soon enough.
Amazingly enough, five minutes later, and not as winded as before, William reached the front of the Summers’ home. Panic began to fill him once again when he noticed the house was dark and still. Only twenty minutes, tops, had elapsed from the time he had left his apartment to the moment he had arrived here. Things couldn’t have quieted down in the house that quickly. He checked the front door. It was locked. After trying to peer into the living room window, he gave up and made his way to the back of the house. He was trying to remain calm but his emotions were getting the better of him. What if something had happened? What if Dawn was hurt and Buffy was dead? He knew he wouldn’t be able to go on living, not without her in his life. It had almost killed him the last time.
Tears were threatening to spill down his cheeks as he rounded the corner of the house. His heart stopped when he saw her. She was sitting on the back steps looking into the night. She was alive and well. His emotions took over. "Buffy," he called out as he ran towards her. She turned towards the voice, looking surprised. When he reached her, he knelt before her and took her face in his hands.
"William? What are you doing here?" She was concerned. Something awful must have happened for him to be acting so strangely. She tried to stand up but he wouldn’t let her.
"I was so afraid something happened to you, Luv." He pulled her into an embrace and stroked her hair.
Buffy relished the feel of his arms around her. She wanted so desperately to be lost in him, but there was something wrong. Why was he here? She tried to pull back from the embrace a second time and this time he let her. He kept touching her face and stroking her hair. What had gotten into him to make him act this way?
"Buffy, I’m so glad you’re okay. I thought the worst when I couldn’t get through on the phone to you..."
Confused, she gave him a frown. Oh. The phone. It had been busy. "William just because the phone is busy doesn’t mean the world is ending. Some of us don’t have call waiting. Why would you think that something happened?"
"Giles said..."
"What does this have to do with Giles," she demanded, going into complete Slayer mode.
William took a step back when he realized his mistake. "Nothing. He, uh, had to go to England."
"What? Now? Tonight?" Giles wouldn’t just up and leave without a good reason, of that she was positive.
"They translated part of the prophecy and they needed him there to verify it. That’s all." He had composed himself by this point.
"Don’t lie to me William," she said, grabbing him by his shirt. She was sure he was hiding something from her.
"Take your hands off me! I’ve just told you the truth."
She glared and released him from her grip. "So you came all this way just to tell me that Giles left? I find that hard to believe. He would have called himself..."
"He couldn’t. He was packing and asked me to let you know. I couldn’t get through on the phone. I figured you’d want to know right away since you two are so chummy." He could feel them falling back into the old familiar routine. He’d give her information and she’d beat him up over it. No way. Not this time. He was the watcher now, not her punching bag.
"You’re lying." She didn’t think he was, but she didn’t want him to just leave.
"Why would I lie to you about something like that," he demanded. Anger began to rise up in him.
"You act surprised that I wouldn’t trust you." She shook her head and started walking away. She knew she was playing a game with him, but did he?
"Don’t walk away from me after saying that." He grabbed her by the arm and spun her around. "How do you think that makes me feel? I’m not the same as when I left. You can’t just treat me like something you throw out with the morning rubbish any longer. I’m human, Buffy, and as much as you don’t want to see that, it’s too bad. I’m not going anywhere so get used to it."
"Are you finished?"
"I am." He let go of her arm and looked her in the eyes.
"Good. Now, how dare you come back here and just expect me to accept you as my watcher. Especially after everything. Go home to Cecily, William. I’m tired."
"Is that what this is all about? Cecily? Get over yourself already!"
"Why? Because you did?" She was yelling now as well as crying.
He softened at the sight of her tears. "Buffy, I..."
It was too late. She was too far-gone. The pain of the last few weeks was eating her up inside and she needed to release it. "You left because you wanted to get a soul so that I could love you, but you know what? I already loved you!"
He stood in shock, staring at her.
"I already loved you and you left. Just like they all do. Then...then you come back, and you’re not even the same person I fell in love with."
He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms.
"As if that wasn’t enough," she continued through her tears, "you fall in love with Cecily. It’s supposed to be me that you love! Not her!" She was beating on his chest now with both fists.
"Buffy, Luv..."
"Just stop. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear how much you love her."
"Luv," he said taking her face in his hands. "I don’t love her. I love you."
Rating: PG-13 Some language and violence
Disclaimer and spoiler warning: These characters belong to Joss Whedon and whomever else he sells them to, I'm just borrowing them for a while. This story is part three of a trilogy and is based upon the alternate universe I created in Reset. Some dialogue was borrowed from "Seeing Red" written by Steven DeKnight the bastard. Oops! Did I say that out loud?
Update List: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Destined_Fic
Summary: William struggles with his new life while Giles is summoned back to England...
Timeframe: Immediately following "Blows"
- 3 -
The Struggle Within
The Struggle Within
William sighed heavily as he searched his pockets for his keys. Finally finding them, he unlocked the door and stepped into his darkened living room. The moonlight filled a corner of the room where he kept several reminders of what he once was, a monster. A thing. Slowly he closed the door. Another night at home alone. Another night alone with his thoughts and fears. He leaned his back against the door and flipped on the light. The room looked even lonelier now that everything was illuminated. He closed his eyes and listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. It was still something he wasn’t quite used to hearing, or feeling.
Straightening up, he walked over to his recliner and sat down. The fight with the vampires had been physically exhausting, but the fight with Buffy had been emotionally draining. He knew that he would have to break through several barriers with her because of their past, but he was hoping that there would be more give and take on her part. At first she had seemed almost happy to see him, relieved mostly. But now, now she was distant and he wasn’t sure why. Was it because of their violent past together, or was it because he was seeing Cecily? The thought that maybe Buffy loved him never crossed his mind. He was sure that anything that was between them, or could have been between them, died that night in the bathroom. That was the night that Spike died as well.
Everyone wanted to call him Spike, but as far as he was concerned Spike was dead and buried. That name embodied everything he was as a monster, and he was no longer a monster. He was a man, and as a man he wanted to be called by the name his mother had given him. Like he had told the Bit, it would just take some time for everyone to get used to William. "Bloody hell," he said to the room. "Who are you trying to kid? You’ll always be Spike to these people." It was nights like these that made him yearn to be a vampire again.
******
Steven stood in the shadows outside of the Summers’ home. He had been about to knock on the door to see Dawn when Buffy came home. It was early, even for her, and she looked extremely upset. What a pity. He hoped she was hurting. He felt nothing but loathing for the young woman. It was soon time to make his move. Ever since he had heard Fred and Gunn talking about her, he knew that he had to punish her. He had to strike at the very heart of his demon father’s family. His plan was to start turning Dawn against her. He knew that Dawn was very important to her sister, but he also knew from talking to the girl that things hadn’t always been so great between the two. Then, after hurting her through Dawn, he would go in for the kill, literally. And he would savor every moment of her pain.
The smile on his face faded as he began to think about how this outcome would affect Dawn. At first he was sure she’d be glad to be rid of her sister, but then reality would settle in and the girl would mourn. Would she hate him? Or would she turn to him in her time of need? He really cared for Dawn. More than he had ever intended. She didn’t make him feel like such an outcast. One night while they had been out together, they had been talking about his life in Los Angeles. They had been holding hands and walking when all of a sudden the air began to shimmer and hum. At first he had been concerned that something evil was about to take place, but he had noticed that Dawn wasn’t troubled at all. It struck him as odd, until she told him what was happening. She had inadvertently opened a portal.
The two had stood in awe as the portal opened on the Hyperion Hotel. He heard Fred talking excitedly to someone on the phone. Her back was to the opening.
"Is this where you lived," Dawn had asked curiously and in a hushed tone.
"It is where my biological father lived," he had said with disdain.
"I didn’t know you were adopted."
"You could say that. Perhaps someday I will tell you all about my life, but not now." He had turned to look at Dawn at this point, to reassure her that he would eventually tell her everything. That’s when things had begun to go very wrong. They hadn’t been paying attention to the other side of the portal. He should have known that if they could see that side then those in the Hyperion Hotel could see them.
"Connor," Gunn had yelled. "Is that you?"
At the sound of his given name, Steven had whipped his head around to the voice that was calling him. He had locked eyes with Gunn who was now directly in front of the portal.
"Connor," Gunn had demanded. "Where have you been? We’ve been worried sick about you! And what the heck is this big hole?" He had been about to walk through the hole when Fred grabbed him and pulled him back.
"Gunn, no," Fred had cried. "You have no idea where this thing goes, if it goes anywhere, or if it’s safe."
Steven smirked at the couple in the hotel as they looked at him in horror. He grabbed Dawn’s hand and began to run. As soon as Dawn’s attention was focused on their flight, the portal snapped shut with a crackling pop. After they had reached a safe distance, Steven slowed the pace.
"Steven, who’s Connor, and who were those people?" Dawn had asked him.
He had shrugged his shoulders and told her he didn’t know. That neither person had looked familiar to him. She had believed him, and so for the rest of their evening, Dawn had filled him in on who she was and what she could do. That was the night that he began to feel like Dawn was his kindred spirit.
Snapping out of his thoughts, Steven contemplated knocking on the door anyway to see Dawn. It wasn’t that he wanted to see her; it was that he needed to see her. He felt connected to her now. As he started to make his way to the front door a voice from behind froze him in his tracks.
"Connor," the man stated. "I think we need to talk."
******
"Hi William," the female voice on the message crooned. "This is Cecily. I just wanted to call to see how your day was. Not that I didn’t spend most of the day with you or anything. Anywho, hope you’re having a nice evening, and I’ll see you tomorrow morning at the shop. Goodnight."
"End of messages," the machine stated in a digital monotone.
William leaned against the kitchen counter as he listened to Cecily’s message. It was nice to hear a friendly voice in the midst of all his negative thoughts. The soft light from the kitchen reflected off of his whiskey glass. He picked up the glass and looked at the amber colored liquid. He tilted his head and arched an eyebrow. Maybe the alcohol could tell him what to make of the thoughts that filled his head. Probably not. Just as well. Time to get out the journal and start writing.
He walked back into the living room and turned on the desk lamp. He realized his desk was overly cluttered when he had tried to find a space to set down his glass. After clearing a few of the papers, he sat down and took out his journal. It seemed like he had been doing this every night since he arrived at Giles’ place in England. He supposed it was therapeutic, but it just wasn’t the same as sharing his feelings with an actual person. At first he thought that Cecily would understand his internal sufferings, but she was caught up in her own turmoil. He was never able to get in a word edgewise during her rant sessions. She was a sweet woman, at times. But he could also understand why D’Hoffryn had chosen her to be a vengeance demon.
The little leather bound book that Giles had bought him looked worn and dog-eared. Every time something bothered him, he wrote it down. And that wasn’t including the watcher journal that he had started keeping. As he began to jot down his thoughts on paper, the phone rang. It was Giles.
"William, I’ve been called back to England. And I need to leave straight away," Giles said, sounding like he was out of breath.
"What’s it all about watcher?" William asked, as he listened to the sounds of Giles throwing things in suitcases.
"One of the paragraphs they’ve been trying to translate. Has something to do with Buffy, and quite possibly her death at the hands of 'one who had been cursed'. Perhaps it could be referring to the Master."
William drew in a sharp breath. "Perhaps? You need to do better than that watcher!" He started to feel the panic rise within him. This couldn’t be right.
"Please try to remain calm, William," Giles stated as he noticed the edge in William’s voice.
"Don’t tell me to calm down," William growled. "Not when it comes to Buffy!"
"William. Listen to me. You need to keep an eye on Buffy. The last thing she needs is for you to show your fear. Just keep this in the back of your mind. Keep your eyes and ears open. Understand?"
"Yes."
"Splendid. I’m on the next flight out which leaves in an hour. Just remember, not every prophecy that we receive is correct."
"You’re right," he said exhaling audibly. "It’s just that..."
"I know. I’ll call you as soon as I know anything. Please let everyone know that I had to leave. I don’t have time to call. Talk to you later."
William stared at the phone as he slowly hung up the receiver. As if in a trance he looked up Buffy’s home number and started punching the buttons on the phone. This couldn’t be happening.
******
Buffy sat on Dawn’s bed, as the teen rummaged through her closet for something suitable to wear for the first day of school. The girl had tried on seven different outfits and discarded them for seven different reasons that she could only roll her eyes at. Had she been like this at Dawn’s age? She decided that she probably had been. It hadn’t been that long ago that Willow and Xander had come over to help her pick out an outfit for her date with Owen. She smiled to herself as the memory played back in her mind. The smile faded from her face when she realized that it had been a long time ago. Had it really been almost seven years?
"Buffy," Dawn pleaded with doe eyes. "Please, please, please, let me wear your pink sweater."
Buffy rolled her eyes once again. As much as she loved that pink sweater, there was no way she was going to be able to say no to her sister. "Okay," she said feigning annoyance. "You can borrow it. Just don’t get anything on it!"
"Thank you! Thank you," the teen declared, as she bounced from her room to Buffy’s to retrieve said sweater.
Buffy followed Dawn into her room to make sure that the sweater was the only thing that she borrowed. The phone began to ring and the two girls raced for it. She won and picked it up as her sister tried to take it from her.
"Hi Buffy!"
"Willow," Buffy cried in pleasant surprise. "How are you?"
Dawn’s face fell when she realized the call wasn’t for her.
"I’m good. How have you been?"
"Okay. Things have been a bit weird lately." She watched as Dawn took the sweater and left the room. "Dawn," she called after her. "Make sure you get to bed soon!" She then turned her attention back to her best friend. "Sorry about that, Will."
"No problem. Actually, I’m the one that’s sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Spike. I wanted to, but Giles said we couldn’t. Some kind of big secret or something. How’s Xander taking Spike’s return?"
"It’s okay. I miss you too much to be mad at you right now. Xander didn’t take it too well at first, but I’m hoping that they can at least get along."
Willow snorted and Tara giggled at the thought of Xander and Spike being chummy.
"Hey! It’s the Hellmouth. It could happen! I can dream, can’t I? Which reminds me, once we get off this phone it’s beddy bye time for the Buffster. I’m worn out."
"Lots of big beasties on patrol?" Willow asked as Tara tried to listen in.
"A handful of vampires. Nothing big."
"Then what’s wrong?" She and Tara both sensed that something was bothering Buffy.
"Oh, William and I had a little conversation tonight. I had almost forgotten how much he could get under my skin."
"Will...?" Willow asked confused at first. Then she realized whom Buffy was referring to. "Oh! You mean Spike. Forgot that he’s William now. So, what did you two talk about, or should I say, not talk about?"
"What do you mean?" Buffy stuttered.
"Well, I just figured you two would be making with the smoochies by now. Well maybe not with the smoochies, but at least being all cuddley wuddley."
Buffy was stunned. What was it with everyone? Didn’t they understand that her and Spike would never work out. Were her and Spike the only two people who realized that? "Willow nothing is going on between us. William is my watcher. Period. Besides, he’s dating Cecily."
"Oh. Yeah. Dawn wrote Tara about that. Are you upset? Cause if you are, it’s okay to be. I mean he went to Africa to get a soul for you and all, so it’s understandable if you’re upset that he picked Cecily over you."
Buffy sank onto her bed. She choked back a few tears before continuing. "Nah. I’m fine."
"Buffy, it’s me here. You never were a good liar." Besides, she could hear Buffy’s voice wavering.
She sighed as she switched the phone from one ear to the other. "You’re right, Will. It’s just that I finally realized that I was in love with Spike before he became human and now..."
"You’re in love with Spike?" Willow gasped.
"Yeah," she said hesitantly, realizing that she had finally said it to someone other than Giles. "But it doesn’t matter anymore."
******
"Get off the bleeding phone," William demanded as he shook the receiver. He had been trying to get a hold of Buffy for over a half hour now. "Bloody women." It was almost midnight so why was the phone busy? He was sure Dawn was in bed, unless she was on the phone with that Steven bloke. He’d have to speak to that git about his phone manners and calling hours, especially on school nights. There was just something about that boy that didn’t sit right with him. Steven reminded him of someone he knew, but he just couldn’t place his finger on it.
He was still trying to get over the fact that his Niblet was dating now. It seemed like it was just yesterday that he was protecting her from the world while Buffy was gone. Buffy. He was amazed at how all of his thoughts brought him back to one person. It was almost a year now since Red had brought her back from the dead. He closed his eyes and remembered the night she had returned to him, to them. He remembered every smell and every detail, the way her hair shone as she walked down the stairs, the way her hands felt when he held them in his. When he had realized that it wasn’t the robot, he had wanted to take her in his arms and cradle her against his chest, stroking her long, blonde hair. She had looked so beautiful. At that moment in time he had thanked whatever god or gods had brought her back to him.
Then he remembered the look in her eyes when she had seen him again for the first time since...well, since he had left. He was sure that it had been the same look he had given her that night. It had been there for only a second, but he was sure he had seen it. Although, now, he was beginning to think his mind had only wished it to be there. Her words from the night he left played over and over in his mind.
I’m not saying I don’t have feelings for you. I do. But it’s not love. I could never trust you enough for it to become that...Ask me again why I could never love you.
The guilt washed through him. She had forgiven him, but he hadn’t forgiven himself. He didn’t think he ever would. The struggle within him was almost too much for him to bear. And it wasn’t just about what he had done to Buffy; it was about what he had done over the last century.
In his mind he knew that human William couldn’t be held responsible for all that the monster Spike had done, but he still had all the memories. In his heart he took responsibility for everything. And it was in his heart that he was hurting most. Enough of this. He needed to stop acting like the poofter. Finally he decided that he would just call Buffy first thing in the morning, but then a thought struck him. What if Buffy and Dawn were in trouble and that’s why the phone was busy? Maybe the prophecy was true! Maybe the cursed vampire was at Buffy’s house right now attacking them! He tried the phone one more time. Still busy. Damn it! Horrible thoughts began to rush through his mind. Without a second thought he grabbed his coat, and ran out the door into the night.
Author: PSUbrat
Rating: PG-13 Some language and violence
Disclaimer and spoiler warning: These characters belong to Joss Whedon and whomever else he sells them to, I'm just borrowing them for a while. This story is part three of a trilogy and is based upon the alternate universe I created in Reset.
Update List: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Destined_Fic
Summary: Steven receives a proposal he can't refuse while feelings and emotions run wild at the Summers' home...
Timeframe: Immediately following "The Struggle Within"
- 4 -
Dark of Night
Dark of Night
What had been a beautiful moonlit night in Sunnydale quickly became cloudy and dark, almost as if nature sensed the impending confrontations that were to come. The two figures stood in the front yard of 1630 Revello Drive. The only available light came from the living room of the Summers’ house. It filtered through the windows and washed across the front lawn towards the road, illuminating two figures. The one standing behind Steven wasn’t paying much attention to the weather or to the wind whispering in the trees. There was only one thing on his mind. He stepped into the open so that Steven could see him clearly. The teen squinted to get a better view of his stalker.
"Good evening Connor," Wesley stated dryly. Tracking down the boy hadn’t been that hard to do. Wolfram and Hart had been keeping a close watch on him ever since they had noticed him frequenting the Magic Box.
"My name is Steven," he said in a flat tone.
"It wasn’t always. I should know."
"Who are you," Steven demanded as he clenched his fists. He knew he could out run his opponent if need be, but he was curious.
"You could say I’m an old friend of your father’s," Wesley said as he took a step closer to the boy.
Steven instinctively took a step back, wanting to keep enough distance between himself and the man. He narrowed his eyes as he took in the man before him. He didn’t recognize him but there was something familiar about the voice. "I don’t know you," he finally said.
"No. Not at the present time. But you did. I changed your diapers as a baby and looked after you."
Steven said nothing. He stood breathing deeply, preparing himself for the confrontation that was sure to come.
"It’s true you know," Wesley soothed. "I’m not here to harm you. I just want to talk."
"I don’t trust you," Steven said flatly. Every muscle in his body was tense and every nerve ending was firing.
"As well you shouldn’t." Wesley paused for a moment as he studied the teenager’s posture. So much like his father. Proud and defiant. "Your father trusted me and he shouldn’t have."
Steven furrowed his brow. "You say my father trusted you. My father was a monster. Are you?"
Wesley sighed. "No. I’m not a monster as you so eloquently put it. I’m human, although I think your father would disagree with me there. All I want to do is talk to you."
"Why?"
"Because, I think you and I have much to discuss."
"What could we have to talk about?" He asked as the anger built in his voice. "My father? My true father is dead at the hands of that monster. I have nothing to talk to you about." He turned to walk away.
Wesley grabbed him by the arm.
"Let go of me," Steven demanded with an icy glare.
Wesley responded by dropping his arm to his side. He had never seen such hatred in a young person’s eyes before.
Steven began walking away, but Wesley followed. The teen picked up the pace but Wesley matched it until Steven broke into a run.
"Stop!" Wesley yelled, after several blocks of trying to keep up with the boy. He had to say something quickly, before Steven disappeared into the night. "I’m the one that sent you to hell!"
******
Buffy hung up the phone not long after she had admitted her love for Spike – William – again with the whatever. She knew she was in love with the vampire. But was she in love with the man? She didn’t know William that well, not that she had tried to get to know him. She had been too busy feeling sorry for herself after the century old lovers reunited right in front of her. It shouldn’t have been Cecily hugging and kissing him. It should have been her. He was hers, not that former demon’s who was so busy gloating that she hadn’t even noticed the coolness towards her. Then again, nothing had really changed in that regard.
She wandered out of her room and down the hall towards Dawn’s room. After checking on her sister, who was sound asleep, she decided to head outside to sit on the back steps. The fresh air just might help her clear her muddled brain. On her way out, she turned off the lights and locked the front door. Even though it had been a while since they had moved back into the house, she still wasn’t used to it being so quiet. At times like this, she missed her mother, Giles, Willow, everyone who had come and gone through that door over the last six and a half years. Well, maybe not everyone. She really didn’t miss Angel all that much anymore.
The night was warm and dark. She could sense a change in the seasons approaching. It was almost autumn now. The days would still be warm but the nights would start cooling off soon. Those were the nights to look forward to since they were better for patrolling. She looked up into the sky hoping to see stars but all she saw was darkness. Typical. All she had wanted to do was gaze at the stars and think. The stars were a pretty distraction and tonight she needed one. Fire bad, tree pretty. That’s what her mind felt like right now. She sat down heavily on the top step. A smile slowly played across her lips as she remembered the times that Spike had joined her there. He had been there the night she found out her mom had to go to the hospital for tests, before she...died. He always seemed to be there for her at the most critical times in her life.
She sighed deeply and closed her eyes. Her life had changed radically in the last year and the one person who had shared it all with her was now somewhere else comforting someone else. It didn’t seem fair. Yes, Giles would tell her that life wasn’t fair and that they would all have to make do with the hand that was dealt, but she wasn’t sure she believed in that anymore. Destiny. Prophecies. Some days it was just all too much. All she wanted right now was to be happy and to be loved by the one person who knew her inside and out. Spike. Suddenly, she heard him calling her name.
******
Steven stopped abruptly and stood completely still. Had he just heard right? Had he just heard the man say that he was the one that sent him to that hell place? His true father had always told him that the monster had been responsible for that. He slowly turned his body sideways so that he could look at the man. "You’re lying."
"No. No I’m not. It was my fault that you were taken there. I was deceived and in return I deceived your father."
"Stop lying to me," he growled as he took several strides closer to Wesley. His hands were clenched and his face was contorted in a scowl.
Wesley stood his ground. "Connor, please. Let’s just go somewhere to talk. It’s not safe out here on the streets. People are looking for you."
Finally, Steven’s shoulders slumped. He didn’t trust the man, but if it were true, if people were looking for him, he needed to get somewhere safe. "Say I do go with you. How do I know you won’t try to kill me?"
Wesley looked at the boy, the offspring of two vampires, and sneered. "I saw you with Angel that night in the club."
Steven frowned and shook his head, indicating that he wasn’t sure what Wesley was talking about.
"The night you and your father fought side by side. You have incredible strength and power. I assure you, I don’t want to go up against that." He sensed that Connor was torn between what he wanted to do and what he knew he should do.
Finally, Steven spoke. "I will go with you. But I swear, if you try to do anything to me, I will kill you."
Wesley nodded. "I have no doubt about that."
******
William ran through the streets trying to make his way to Revello Drive. In the weeks since he had been back in Sunnydale, he hadn’t bothered to get his car. Why? Because it had been Spike’s and he didn’t want it. Now that he was walking, okay, running as fast as he could to the other side of town, the reason for not picking up the car seemed almost foolish. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath. He still had the ability to run like a vampire but his lungs needed to catch up. "Bloody brilliant you are," he gasped. "Trying to be all above board and human. Maybe next time you should take the sodding bus!" Or maybe he should have decided to find an apartment closer to the Summers’ home instead of making sure he was on the opposite end of town from it.
The area he was in now wasn’t well lit, and without his vampire vision he was mostly running blind. As he picked up the pace again, he tripped over something on the sidewalk. It was the body of a young blonde woman. At first glance his heart sank. In the darkness, the body could have been mistaken for Buffy. It was the same height and build. Slowly he picked himself up and tried to examine the body in the dim light. He was certain that he already knew the cause of death without even looking, but he pushed himself to continue. There, on the left side of her neck, were the tell tale puncture marks; but there was something else, a symbol that he recognized. He drew in a sharp breath and cursed silently to himself; gently laying the woman’s head back down on the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he didn’t have time to report the body but figured that in Sunnyhell, a cop would come across it soon enough.
Amazingly enough, five minutes later, and not as winded as before, William reached the front of the Summers’ home. Panic began to fill him once again when he noticed the house was dark and still. Only twenty minutes, tops, had elapsed from the time he had left his apartment to the moment he had arrived here. Things couldn’t have quieted down in the house that quickly. He checked the front door. It was locked. After trying to peer into the living room window, he gave up and made his way to the back of the house. He was trying to remain calm but his emotions were getting the better of him. What if something had happened? What if Dawn was hurt and Buffy was dead? He knew he wouldn’t be able to go on living, not without her in his life. It had almost killed him the last time.
Tears were threatening to spill down his cheeks as he rounded the corner of the house. His heart stopped when he saw her. She was sitting on the back steps looking into the night. She was alive and well. His emotions took over. "Buffy," he called out as he ran towards her. She turned towards the voice, looking surprised. When he reached her, he knelt before her and took her face in his hands.
"William? What are you doing here?" She was concerned. Something awful must have happened for him to be acting so strangely. She tried to stand up but he wouldn’t let her.
"I was so afraid something happened to you, Luv." He pulled her into an embrace and stroked her hair.
******
Buffy relished the feel of his arms around her. She wanted so desperately to be lost in him, but there was something wrong. Why was he here? She tried to pull back from the embrace a second time and this time he let her. He kept touching her face and stroking her hair. What had gotten into him to make him act this way?
"Buffy, I’m so glad you’re okay. I thought the worst when I couldn’t get through on the phone to you..."
Confused, she gave him a frown. Oh. The phone. It had been busy. "William just because the phone is busy doesn’t mean the world is ending. Some of us don’t have call waiting. Why would you think that something happened?"
"Giles said..."
"What does this have to do with Giles," she demanded, going into complete Slayer mode.
William took a step back when he realized his mistake. "Nothing. He, uh, had to go to England."
"What? Now? Tonight?" Giles wouldn’t just up and leave without a good reason, of that she was positive.
"They translated part of the prophecy and they needed him there to verify it. That’s all." He had composed himself by this point.
"Don’t lie to me William," she said, grabbing him by his shirt. She was sure he was hiding something from her.
"Take your hands off me! I’ve just told you the truth."
She glared and released him from her grip. "So you came all this way just to tell me that Giles left? I find that hard to believe. He would have called himself..."
"He couldn’t. He was packing and asked me to let you know. I couldn’t get through on the phone. I figured you’d want to know right away since you two are so chummy." He could feel them falling back into the old familiar routine. He’d give her information and she’d beat him up over it. No way. Not this time. He was the watcher now, not her punching bag.
"You’re lying." She didn’t think he was, but she didn’t want him to just leave.
"Why would I lie to you about something like that," he demanded. Anger began to rise up in him.
"You act surprised that I wouldn’t trust you." She shook her head and started walking away. She knew she was playing a game with him, but did he?
"Don’t walk away from me after saying that." He grabbed her by the arm and spun her around. "How do you think that makes me feel? I’m not the same as when I left. You can’t just treat me like something you throw out with the morning rubbish any longer. I’m human, Buffy, and as much as you don’t want to see that, it’s too bad. I’m not going anywhere so get used to it."
"Are you finished?"
"I am." He let go of her arm and looked her in the eyes.
"Good. Now, how dare you come back here and just expect me to accept you as my watcher. Especially after everything. Go home to Cecily, William. I’m tired."
"Is that what this is all about? Cecily? Get over yourself already!"
"Why? Because you did?" She was yelling now as well as crying.
He softened at the sight of her tears. "Buffy, I..."
It was too late. She was too far-gone. The pain of the last few weeks was eating her up inside and she needed to release it. "You left because you wanted to get a soul so that I could love you, but you know what? I already loved you!"
He stood in shock, staring at her.
"I already loved you and you left. Just like they all do. Then...then you come back, and you’re not even the same person I fell in love with."
He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms.
"As if that wasn’t enough," she continued through her tears, "you fall in love with Cecily. It’s supposed to be me that you love! Not her!" She was beating on his chest now with both fists.
"Buffy, Luv..."
"Just stop. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear how much you love her."
"Luv," he said taking her face in his hands. "I don’t love her. I love you."